Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony

The bride is surrounded. Multiple hands are working on her makeup and hair. Everyone has a smile on their face as they listen to the commotion happening at the front door. The groom and his groomsmen crowded the door as the bridesmaids blocked the doorway. Challenge after challenge are thrown at these excited wedding parties. They are finally allowed in when the groom fan out a deck of red envelopes. (Bribing always works best in these types of situations.) The bride walks out of the room to greet her significant other. A fleet of flower cars or a limo is waiting downstairs to bring everyone to the groom’s house. Family members flood the living room and they start to prepare one of the most traditional Chinese wedding ceremonies.

 

The origin:

 

The Chinese wedding tea ceremony has been a tradition that was practiced since the Tang dynasty. The earliest recorded wedding tea ceremony was performed by Tang dynasty princess Wencheng and her groom, Tibetan emperor Songtsan Gampo. In ancient China, there is an old saying that goes “父母之命， 媒妁之言” (fù mǔ zhī mìng ， méi shuò zhī yán) which essentially means that the son or daughter’s marriage will be by the words of her parents. The usual process goes a little something like this: the boy’s parents will start looking for suitable matches for their son as he becomes of age. Then when they do find one they are happy with, whether in family status or the girl herself, the boy’s parents will propose a wedding offer to the girl’s parents. The girl’s parents will either accept or reject. The wedding tea ceremony is a symbol that both families are welcoming new members into each of their families. Nowadays, arranged marriages are way less common and marriage is an individual’s decision. Today, the tea ceremony is mainly to welcome the new family member and for the bride and groom to express their gratitude to their parents for everything that they have done for them. 

The tea ceremony may look straightforward and easy to replicate but there are actually many significant details that symbolizes blessing and good fortune. No worries though because we will now give you a step by step breakdown of the entire tea ceremony process.

 

We will begin with what you would need:

• Two chairs or any seating that can fit two people. This is where the parents would sit.
• Two cushions to kneel on. Try to use cushions with images or characters that express good fortune. For example, “囍”、“百年好合”、“喜结良缘”

	Cantonese	Mandarin	Meaning
囍	hei2	xǐ	Double happiness
百年好合	baak3 nin4 hou2 hap6	bǎi nián hǎo hé	A happy marriage for a hundred years
喜结良缘	hei2 git3 loeng4 jyun4	xǐ jiē liáng yuán	Tie the knot; get married

• A Chinese tea set. Avoid tea sets with the word “壽/寿” (the word means “longevity” and it is usually used for seniors’ birthday parties) or tea sets that have the image of a dragon, pine trees, or cypresses. These are seen as bad fortune in a wedding setting. Try to use a red tea set. Avoid using white tea. Red disposable cups are passable since you might have more than four family members to serve tea to and there is not enough time to wash the cups in between.

• Chinese tea. Usually they use Pu’er or Tie Guan Yin (Iron Buddha), and it doesn’t have to be anything too fancy. More importantly, remember to put two lotus seeds in there to symbolize “喜结连理” the joyful union and two jujubes to symbolize “鸿运当头、早生贵子” good luck and the blessing of children.
• Red Envelopes. The amount of money put in these envelopes depends on the financial state of the family. Most families tend to put in an amount that symbolizes good fortune. A few examples are:

$999 – 長長久久 Any amount of “nine” symbolizes a long-lasting marriage. The pronunciation of “nine 九 (gau2/giǔ)” sounds the same as “long-lasting 久 (gau2/giǔ)” in both Cantonese and Mandarin. 

$888 – 8 in Cantonese or Mandarin sounds like the pronunciation of the character “發” which symbolizes developing wealth. 888 acts as a blessing to the new couple to live a wealthy life together.

 

$10,001 – 萬裏挑一10,000 in Chinese is “一萬” adding on a 1 “一” it symbolizes choosing one from ten thousand. 

$6,666 – 六六大顺 Similar to English, “seven-year itch” is also a common saying in Chinese. When numbers go up to seven, it indicates changes. So the smoothest number stays within “six.” In modern slang, 666 is also an internet language similar to “dope” in English.

 

When you have everything prepared, the MC/大妗姐 (daai6 kam5 ze2) will start her intro for the ceremony. 大妗姐 will shout out different types of blessing during the entire wedding ceremony. They can also be a good guide on how to complete everything perfectly and as close to tradition as possible. They are really the person that keeps up the atmosphere and makes sure that there are no icy moments throughout the wedding. If you can afford to hire a professional, we definitely recommend you do so. But if not, you can ask a close aunt or extroverted family friend to play the role. By any chance that there is no such person, do not fret. You can check out Jade Luck Club, our wedding officiation/MC service brand. We offer bilingual wedding officiation service and vow review to release you from the stress of having a multicultural wedding. We make sure that everyone is going to feel included.

 

Typically, the groom and his best men will go to the bride’s house to meet her. At the bride’s house, the couple will perform the ceremony the first time with the bride’s parents. The group will then head over to the groom’s house to perform the tea ceremony again with the groom’s parents. The tea ceremony can also be performed at the wedding reception with all families and guests present to avoid the hassle of doing it twice. Now let’s get into the steps of the ceremony.

 

At the bride’s house:

For more conservative weddings, the couple will kneel on the cushions in front of the bride’s parents following the tradition 男左女右 meaning Male left, Female Right. Mother of the bride will sit in front of the bride and father of the bride will sit in front of the groom. If it is a same-sex wedding, the order is more flexible. Remember, the purpose of the tea ceremony is for families to give blessings to the couple. 

 

After the tea is poured, the groom will hand the tea to the father of the bride; then to the mother of the bride using both hands. At the same time, he will say “爸爸，媽媽 飲茶”, changing his address of the bride’s parents to father and mother. That’s why the Chinese wedding tea ceremony is also called 改口茶, a title-changing tea. End with a few phrases of blessing to show gratitude.

 

It will then be the bride’s turn to hand tea to her parents (father first, then mother). “媽媽，爸爸 飲茶” followed with words of blessing. 

After receiving tea from both the groom and bride, the parents will take a sip and hand the cup back to the couple who will then put it back on the tray on the side.

 

Now red envelopes or gold accessories (usually a pair of 龍鳳鐲/dragon and phoenix bracelets) will be given to the couple along with words of blessing. (We can give you a list of wedding blessings in the next blog of this Chinese wedding series.)

The groom and bride will respond with “多謝 爸爸 媽媽” to lock in the new way of addressing the parents.

The above process will be repeated with grandparents and respected elders who will participate in the tea ceremony.

At the groom’s house, the process will be the same as introduced above. Groom will be handing the tea first and then the bride will follow. If you are conducting the ceremony at the wedding reception, the parents of the groom will be the first ones to sit down for the ceremony followed by the bride’s parents. Some families prefer to have the grandparents to go first but this depends on personal preference.

Now that we have the steps down, let’s talk about some tea ceremony DON’TS.

 

DON’TS:

 

1.DO NOT USE ONLY ONE HAND during the entire ceremony. Whether you are handing off tea or are receiving red envelopes, be sure to use both hands. It is a sign of respect and courtesy. Also remember to avoid putting your finger on the edge of the tea cup. Although your hand might not be dirty, touching the edge of the cup will still be seen as unsanitary.

2. DO NOT SERVE TEA THAT IS TOO HOT. Parents will drink the tea right after it is served to show acceptance so the tea cannot be boiling hot. The best way is to remember to brew the tea in advance so it has a little time to cool off. Make sure to practice beforehand because you also don’t want to serve cold tea.

 

3. DO NOT FILL THE TEA TO THE TOP OF THE TEA CUP. It is easy to spill and harder to handle when passing from one person to another. It is best to avoid any accidents or else the atmosphere will be more than likely ruined. 

 

4. DO NOT UNDERLOOK YOUR POSTURE. The correct posture to serve tea is to kneel with your upper body in a slight bow. Both hands hand the tea to a distance that is 40 centimeters away from the receiver’s chest, which is the most convenient distance for them to receive the tea. (Make sure to hand both the tea cup and saucer.)

 

Now that you have learned more about the process and details of the Chinese wedding tea ceremony, what do you think? Too stressful or do you think you can handle it? It might sound a little bit tedious with all the tiny details you have to be aware of but the correct guidance and practice will make this a lot easier. If you are ever in need of a Chinese wedding guide, translator, officiant, or MC check out @jadeluckclub on Instagram or email us at jadeluckclubs@gmail.com to receive your quote! We provide bilingual services and can help you carve out the perfect bilingual wedding vows. It is our mission to help you have an inclusive wedding.

 

Sources

结婚敬茶礼仪大全（包含所有准备、流程、吉利话、注意事项）【婚礼纪】 (hunliji.com)

不容忽视的婚礼敬茶环节，这才是标准的敬茶范儿 – 知乎 (zhihu.com)

 

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